How Not To Look After Your Kids

I have the ultimate respect for single parents.  I looked after my 3 year old on my own all day on Saturday and I was ready to collapse at the end of it. 

I have looked after him before but I think Saturday was the day when I learned how NOT to do it. 

I will share this insight with you below so I can pass on my wisdom. 


1.  Stay up late

If you stay up till 3am the night before.  This will ensure you have the minimum amount of coping skills, patience and energy needed for the day ahead. 




2.  Be derailed by obstacles

I found a good way of doing this was to pick up a shard of glass that used to be part of a glass that was dropped a few days previously.

(Just to clarify, it hadn't been left, just missed in the clear-up)

To get the full benefit of this, you must allow the shard to embed itself in your thumb so it draws blood and stings like mad. 

Being unable to find the plasters for ages also rounds this off nicely.




3.  Let the jobs pile up

Make things difficult by NOT planning ahead.  This could mean having to do the shopping today with the kid in tow. 

Not that difficult but if it takes you ages to find stuff anyway, this could really make the job harder. 




4.  Don't organise activities properly

Swimming is great exercise for both kids and parents.  For parents it helps alleviate stress.

Ensure that you build up as much stress in advance by choosing to go to Fit City Worsley where you have never been before.

This means you take loads of wrong turnings and only get in the water 15 minutes before the pool shuts.



5.  Trust your luck

If you're worried that things have gone a bit too smoothly, don't worry there may be some bad luck around the corner.

For example, just as you're about to finally have your lunch at 3.45 pm, your child may decide to have an accident. 

You see that it is all over their legs so you pick them up to carry them upstairs to the bath when you take a step and realise that you have stepped in a pile of the stuff. 

You then can't get upstairs as that's where the cleaning stuff is.  You are effectively marooned although that's the wrong colour for the situation.

When your child then asks, "what are we going to do now, daddy?"  you know that despite it all your child trusts you.  Despite it all, this will make you will smile

They know that somehow you will find a way out.  Because you are their parent.