Thursday 28 August 2014

How Do You Play With Your Kids?

We've just returned from a two week holiday at a camp-site in France.  If you're wondering where to take your kids on holiday, you could do worse than take them camping or caravanning. 


Safety

Perhaps the biggest advantage caravanning/camping has to offer is the space that is on offer for your child to play safely.  They can ride bikes, play football etc.  If they are old enough to go off on their bikes they have the freedom to go a bit further afield without the worry that you may feel if they did this at home. 


Three Types of Parenting

My three year old is still at an age where the play-area with its climbing frames, sea-saws and sand is enough of a draw to keep him occupied for hours.  Obviously, my wife or I were on hand to supervise and play with him.   

It seems obvious to me that you would supervise a three year old on a play area.  Not to everyone, apparently.  I noticed broadly three types of parenting approach while accompanying my son to the play area.  I'll share these below:

1.  The 'Leave Them Alone' type

Happy to let their kids get on with it as long as they were at least three years of age. 

They may have been watching from afar (this wasn't apparent) but the number of times I saw these kids get upset if they fell off something, had something of theirs snatched by another kids etc indicated they should have been closer at hand to look after them.

One kid of about five wanted me to support him as he traversed the 'monkey bars'.  I didn't want some irate parent accusing me of something dodgy!  I wanted them there to play with their kid!

2.  The 'Let's Play On This' type 

These occupy the position at the other end of the scale.  They smother their kids when they play with them, directing them what to play on and what to do.  It's like they have an itinerary they need to follow.  "Quick get on the swing Julian, we're five minutes behind". 

I've never understood this approach to playing with children.  For a start, it must be shattering.  Also, kids need the space to create their own games, their own imaginary world.  It allows them some autonomy which helps with decision making and developing independent skills. 

A few years ago, I worked as a Senior Playworker on a summer scheme, here in Salford. 

(This was 2010, just prior to the Tories cutting Council funding which signalled the death of initiatives like these.  A shame, as it was a lifeline for a lot of the local kids during the long Summer holidays.)

Every day, my colleague and I put up a huge teepee in Victoria Park in Swinton.  Kids would then roll up and we did Arts and Crafts, played football, cricket, tennis etc with them. 

We were briefed that our role was not to provide a structure to their play.  It was just to let them play.  If they asked us to join in or to help them with anything, we would but they weren't at school.  Within reason, they could do what they want.  The children were brilliantly behaved.  The only person I had a problem with was one of the parents.

I was harangued by a mother of two young boys that I was spending time playing football with older lads (true, in order to make up the numbers), whilst ignoring her boys. 

I pointed out that the equipment was there for them to use, there were plenty of kids already happily using it and that my colleague was overseeing the part of the site where they were. 

To no avail.  The lads just stared at the floor, embarrassed.  I think it's a pity they needed an adult to show them how to play.  Perhaps that's the fate in store for kids with overbearing parents. 

They were at least seven years of age and there were younger kids organising games between themselves or attempting to build rope swings.  Without the need for adult intervention.  You know, the way older people point out that kids don't do any more. 

3.  The 'I'm Just Here' type

This was what my wife and I were aiming for.  I love playing with my son but I always let him tell me what to do.  Is there a kid alive who doesn't enjoy bossing adults around?

Also, we're on hand to help him or encourage him.  He has to room to breathe though. 

My favourite form of this something you can do when your kids are older.  They play while you sit yourself down on a conveniently placed bench and read your book with the occasional glance towards the fruit of your loins.  "Watch this dad!" they yell as they swing on the monkey bars.  You look up respond with a paternal smile, a word of encouragement, then back to Jack Reacher.  Classic holiday parenting!

So, three general types that I witnessed.  I'm not claiming to be perfect.  I'm no expert and I make mistakes as a parent.  To me though, the approaches I've been critical of were clear-cut.  Which category do you fall into?  Disagree with anything?  Please contribute by commenting below. 

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